When I look back upon where I was this time last year and the prayers of my heart that God said yes to abundantly and without measure, I am amazed. He taught me that he is faithful and trustworthy, providing for me amidst my lack so much beyond what I expected. He revealed his perfect timing and plans better than my own by the way my job came about. He dug deeper into my heart through the missions trip to the DR, speaking to me about love, about inviting him to love me deeply and personally, about strength and a beautiful community of faith and the good friends that I didn't see before. He showered me with love notes, blessing me in exactly the ways I receive love. He challenged me to retrieve the pieces of my heart I left behind to find great joy. He nudged me to begin facing the fear, doubt, and sorrow of my past, to learn to stand on truth when nothing makes sense and no answer seems on the horizon. I'm thankful that he pushed me, that he taught me to say yes, that he showed me the fullness of living abundant life by staying perpetually in the comfort of his love and the faithfulness of his provision. Thank you, Jesus, for seeing me and knowing me.
Even though this year has just begun, I already see the Lord at work. The first couple weeks of the year were hard, and I deeply identified with David's prayers as I read the Psalms. "How long will my enemy have the upper hand? Turn and answer me, o Lord my God! Restore the sparkle to my eyes...Don't let my enemies gloat, saying, 'We have defeated him!' Don't let them rejoice at my downfall. But I trust in your unfailing love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me. I will sing to the Lord because he is good to me" (Psalm 13:2-6). As I prayed and battled my flesh and deceptions, God kept reminding me to trust in his unfailing love.
Unfailing love. That phrase has become so precious to me; Jesus keeps bringing it up as he encourages me and points me to truth. It's like another deeper layer of revelation about the love that he's been teaching me to receive this past year. I keep choosing to reject the lies of the enemy about my father taking pleasure in hurting me, about him being the ever disapproving parent for whom I can never measure up. I keep choosing to believe and call to remembrance the ways he's spoken love to my heart. I keep choosing to trust in his unfailing love.
"The Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. He will not constantly accuse us, nor remain angry forever. He does not punish us for all our sins; he does not deal harshly with us as we deserve. For his unfailing love toward those who fear him is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth" (Psalm 103).
"Show me your unfailing love in wonderful ways. By your mighty power you rescue those who seek refuge from their enemies" (Psalm 17).
"He reached down from heaven and rescued me...He rescued me from my powerful enemies...They attacked me at a moment when I was in distress, but the Lord supported me. He led me to a place of safety; he rescued me because he delights in me...All the Lord's promises prove true" (Psalm 18).
"Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life..." (Psalm 23).
My God is not endlessly accusing me. My God is rescuing me from my enemies. My God delights in me. My God's unfailing love is pursuing me, just as I need him to, and will continue to pursue me all the days of my life. I trust in his unfailing love.
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