阿姨 is sick. She has been since March, and it's slowly getting worse. As she goes from doctor to doctor, I feel more and more worried. They've run so many tests, and everyone is baffled. Last week, 爸爸 took her to the Mayo Clinic. Over the past week, while they were waiting for the insurance company to approve one last test, 阿姨's pain became more frequent and intense. So Dad took her in today, and it's frustrating that you can go into the doctor with severe pain and come home without much new. It's frustrating with the insurance company not approving things. It's scary that she's taking narcotic painkillers that only sporadically help. It's scary that she's taking antidepressants. It's so heavy...I feel the heaviness.
My heart is confused by all of this. I don't know how to feel. In some ways, I feel detached and distant, being far away physically and not having had much chance to really get to know her. But at the same time, it's my family. This brings up a lot of difficult feelings and memories. The way that 爸爸 has been so firm in faith and peace is a huge encouragement to me. I am choosing to continue to believe truth and to stand firmly on the promises of God.
I called on your name, Lord, from deep within the pit...Yes, you came when I called; you told me, "Do not fear" (Lamentations 3:55, 57). I am making a conscious choice to believe; I am praying for faith to believe.
Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!
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