I've recently been thinking about what it means to love God, to be in love with Jesus. It's sorta perplexed me for the past week as I considered it. I'm really good at obeying commands, following through with service, but I think God has been revealing to me a disconnect in my heart, something missing there. I've been asking God how to be passionate about my faith, what it is to be so totally in love with Jesus. I don't know that I've ever been really in love before, but I know that I want God to be that real to me. One of the reasons why the whole concept is so perplexing to me is the way my mind is so programmed to think logically and scientifically (sometimes one of the fallbacks of the American educational system). But God doesn't fit into our logical boxes, and neither does love (after all, God is love).
As I was praying about it this past week, my iTunes picked up a Chinese love song that basically says "I am able," despite all the hard complexities of love. I knew Jesus was reminding me that despite all this junk and past hurts that have built up somewhat of a wall between my heart and love, he is able to overcome that. He showed me that I was held back by fear, but perfect love casts out fear. Today in church, Pastor Dale outright said, "The answer is to draw near and stay near, not to kick yourself to do more." And if you know me, I would tend to lean toward the "do more" answer.
Draw near in a step of obedience, and the passion will be fanned into flame.
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